Can You Play Dumb So You Won't Be Smart?

That thing... that I talked about before, my curse and gift. Funny; sort of changes significance when you switch the word order. Really though, it's because sometimes I wish it away. It would seem that most archetypes of the "gifted" person often deny or shun their ability. I feel like that sounds wacky, like I have sonar hearing or can see the future, but like a superpower, or whatever original ability a person has, it seems at some point those people always love/hate their "power." I guess for me; I'm just tuned in . *shrug*

I'm built to feel. Do you how hard it is to walk through this world and be made this way? I don't mean for that to sound mellow-dramatic. It's just fucking annoying! It's not even because I care! I just feel what others feel. And I see their secrets.... sometimes. And I can't help it. I don't mean to. You would think by now I'd learn to never open my mouth when I can "see," but I do and then people don't understand. No one wants anyone else to see their inner thoughts. Suddenly, when someone tells us we are something other than our projected self, we (the universal we) panic! It's fight or flight. **I suddenly had the feeling that the sentence I just typed echooooeeeeddddd....

I truly suppose my blog here is named appropriately as people may very well conclude I am quite mad since I claim to be especially clairvoyant. Oh, but then I suppose it's really not any of my concern or inclination to give a damn what YOU think ;) (Sorry reader, the truth hurts).

I feel like randomly listing some things you should know about me, aside from my late night, often emotionally fueled ramblings here...

1. I'm a people-pleaser

2. While some derive pleasure from such things as shopping or watching sports, I derive pleasure from seeing the people I care for happy and content.

3. I enjoy giving. Not because I expect something in return, but it goes back to that pleasure in seeing other's happy thing.

4. Don't get me wrong. This isn't ALL people - maybe surface level happy, but I suppose I'm especially generous with my inner posse.

5. #2 and #3 are also strong reasons for why I'm a very sexual person and enjoy sex as an act. ;)

6. People often peg me for a push over

7. I pay attention to everything and have a pretty photographic memory.

8. I hate competition.

9. I hate when things are unresolved - "When somethin's broke I wanna put a bit of fixin' on it."

10. I don't give up when I believe in something

11. I think communication is one of the most important gifts humans have

12. I have spent more time with myself than most I think. I know why I do the things I do.

13. I can be inquiring to the point of annoyance, but only because learning leads to better understanding.

14. I AM NOT UNDER THE INFLUENCE WHILE TYPING THIS (although other posts vary)

15. I believe in keeping promises.

16. I believe loving someone means so much more than what the general populace does/believes

17. Romantic or not, I have fallen in love and out of love. That doesn't mean I stop trying when it breaks my heart.

...I pondered the other evening, "I am a night owl. Why is this?" I feel most comfortable in my day from 2pm-early morning. Even if I get up at 7am and have a full day... still I crawl into bed around 2am and find it rather peculiar to go to bed before 1030. I wonder... am I just wired to be more nocturnal? It is often frustrating that I am, as the night time is when emotions are more volatile. I feel as if I know myself well. As noted, I've spent a lot of time with me in the past 10 years. It really has been 10 years. Reshaping. Learning, growing, hammering away and chiseling to make a better me... truly. I feel like I know me so well, but maybe to an outsider I don't know me at all. What does it mean that I may even wonder what another thinks of me in such a way? It is the curse of Pisces to swim, swim, swim. Around in circles we go, indecisive always. Never sure of a decision because there are so many variations to consider.